New Year

I have been very reluctant to resume blogging...it seems after the tragedy in August I have had severe writers block. I literally have not written a single thing since then. Many times I have logged on and began to post pictures, tell stories, and basically show and tell my life but for reasons unknown to me, they all end up in the draft box and never get posted. I have pondered whether this blog makes me feel guilty that I have memories to post, while others who have lost so much do not. A rational mind says that is ridiculous, but remember readers...I am not quite rational even on my best days.
There have been many sad times throughout this year. Many times when I have knelt and cried through prayers while asking for understanding and many more times when I have denied the Lord my prayers and simply tried to understand situations with my own pitiful mind. Life is hard. There are many wonderful times but it seems that just around the corner are moments of worry, panic, anger, sadness, anxiety, hopelessness, and fear. The horrible life changing moments are hard to understand, but it is the everyday crushing weight of life that is so very draining. For this I am grateful for my limited knowledge of the gospel. I recently read an amazing article that described 5 scriptures that can help you get through almost anything. With this new year upon me, I have been thinking hard about what I would like to do different. Part of this is directly related to how I deal with the everyday life by using the basic avoidance tactic. If it seems hard to do, I just don't do it. I have noticed that lately I have been worse at this. Bills are piling up, rooms are becoming cluttered, specific behaviors in my children are being ignored, simply because I am overwhelmed and not able to cope with anymore. Many of you may be thinking that I am in desperate need of an anti-depressant or professional help, indeed I may be heading that way, but for the moment just read on.
For the new year I am going to be making a few changes to help me live today and every day as if it were my last. I can sit and outline the many areas in my life that I feel are extremely lacking where a new year's resolution would seem appropriate, but let me be honest, for the last 18 years (possibly more) I have been making new year resolutions and by February I have failed them all. It is certainly a no win situation. So no resolutions for me. Instead, I have made a daily list of things that I want to work on. A reminder to me to focus on the small things and not let the world overwhelm me. I will be posting random thoughts about my list daily on my personal blog, rather than my family blog, but if you are interested in the journey let me know. I am not making any big changes instead I am going to make daily adjustments and focus on my many blessings.
"The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson